I have been preparing for a fashion show(with no collection), preparing my first website, my first collection solely for sale, and my first solo fundraiser. I have always believed in never complaining what you once prayed for and remain true to this sentiment, I can do anything if I apply the proper effort and planning. However I question at what point I can no longer sustain the rate at which I am operating. Whilst preparing for this all I have had so much occur within my personal life. I have had to make the hardest choice of my life; to put my cat down, and then go to class right after like nothing happened. It is so dystopian to realize the world goes on with or without you; the original sentiment that caused my senior year spiral and mental hospital visit. "If the world goes on with, or without me then what is my reason for being here?" I sometimes question my significance in the scope of a world with over 8 billion people. Why am I here? I can give you the "when two people love each other very much..." explanation or I could go a little more philosophical and say I have a destined path or one I carve on my own.
I am here doing whatever the hell whenever I want to. Does something premeditate all I do like in the SIMS and this is all a part of it or is it truly autonomous?
Anyways you came here to hear discussions of fashion, not my existential crisis at 17-current so let me be clear. I do all this shit myself! I am my graphic designer, my seamstress, my creative director, my photographer, shittt even my own model sometimes. This isn't to say I do not enjoy collaborating with people but rather I can execute my clear vision better than anyone I hire could. I am always excited to see what my hands and mind create when they work together. I find that my flow state transcends the traditional definition of the term. When my hands and mind start whispering sweet nothings to each other they wait not anywhere near 9 months and create the most beautiful babies. I am so grateful to have the resources and opportunities that I do.
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